Great Success!

Borat: [while driving] Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Borat: A-why not?
Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
Borat: [stunned] WHAT...? You joke?
Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
Borat: [turns to Instructor, pauses] Ahahahahaha!
Driving Instructor: That's good, huh?
Borat: [pause] Is not good for me.

Hilar.
---

Borat. Probably one of the best films from 2006. Made huge bucks in the box office. The legal problems it created for for Sasha Baron Cohen, astounding. One of those movies if you're above the age of 30, it would be in your best interest to avoid seeing. It spawned a whole generation of kids who went around trying to imitate Borat's accent, only to fail miserably. What a great movie.

If you haven't seen Borat yet, or have been living under a rock for the past couple of years, I'll give you a brief summary of the movie. First, you have Borat (Sasha Baron Cohen), a news reporter who lives in the poor and run down country of Kazakhstan, and decides to travel to America to make a documentary of American culture. Along the way, Borat finds himself in rather hilarious situations due to cultural differences and such. He also falls in love with Puhmella (Pamela Anderson) and is determined to meet her. That's the movie in a nutshell for ya.

As I was watching Borat for the first time, I wondered if all of this could really be true. Some of the things Borat does are just straight up mind boggling. As I looked deeper into whether the movie was staged or not, I was confronted with more uncertainty, thanks to the silence on the part of the film directors. Though, seeing as how the law suits are real, the movie must have been as well. (Law Suits)

For all of you out there who haven't seen Borat yet, I only have one recommendation for you: Don't watch it with your parents. It's just one of those movies that shouldn't, under any circumstances, be seen in the presence of the parentals. A friend of mine went through this very traumatic experience and told me "It was one of the most awkward things that has ever happened to me" There ya go folks.

Mud Wrestling

As I was browsing my previous posts and looking at other peoples blogs, it hit me. Not once have I bothered to do anything on the up coming presidential election. Shame on me. Sorta.

When I say "sorta", I don't mean to come off sounding like I don't care about our presidential election, because I actually do care about its turn out. When I say "sorta", I'm more referring to how I've previously thought about writing about the election, but have been turned away due to the manner in which elections are handled these days. Every time I hear/see/read something about the election it's, a) something that has been said before by another news source, b) someone complaining about how they don't like a candidate, or c) plain old mud slinging. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mud fight...just keep it out of politics please.

This is going to be the first election I'm able to vote in. And I'm pretty stoked about it. It's like whoa. It's big. Its the thing that I've always wanted my teachers to tell me who they voted for, but won't. And yet, part of me still has this sort of resentment that politicians stoop so low. (Admittedly, I'm not surprised though). I'm pretty sure I actually watch less television during election season, just so I won't have to watch the candidates commercials. When I see an article in a magazine or newspaper about one of the candidates, I'm likely to skip over it, because it doesn't tell me anything relevant about that person. It kind of reminds me of third grade when kids would go tell the teacher because you said they had cooties. boohoo.

When Escalators Attack

When you think of things that might cause you harm, you think of falling boulders, car crashes, zoo animals escaping from their cages, and even listening to Backstreet Boys. But how often do you think of an escalator as something that can cause you potential harm? Personally, I rarely find myself in that position.

Until this morning that is. I was reading the news article when KAPOW! Out of nowhere, I see this headline that says, "Safety of Popular Shoes in Doubt." Being the very concerned and fashion savvy person I am, I just had to make sure the shoes I wear aren't a health hazard. It turns out, I'm safe--only because I don't wear Crocs. But the article was about how kids in Japan apparently are being injured wearing Crocs while they ride on escalators. After reading the article, what I took away from it was this-- If you happen to be an American Croc wearing citizen, you're safe as long as you don't visit Japan and ride the escalators for fun. I know, I probably just saved your life.

But what really struck me was when I saw that the article included a reference from the Elevator/Escalator Safety Foundation. Whoa, hold up. I couldn't believe it. This is too good to be true. Is there seriously a foundation dedicated solely to betterment of society through escalator safety? Neato. I just had to check it out. And what I found was truly fascinating. I wish i could highlight all of the great content on the website, but I'll let you do that for yourself.

My personal favorite part of the site was the Facts/Myths:

MYTH: Escalators can reach out and grab you.

TRUTH: No part of an escalator can do this. But people must be careful of loose clothes, untied or long shoelaces, high heels, long hair, long jewelry, etc. because these can get caught in an escalator's machinery.

Boy, I'll sure sleep better tonight knowing I'm safe from those snatching escalators.

Soap Operas

Soap Operas. The trash of day time television. They are the real reason kids go to school during the day. They give stay at home women a reason to live. They are the only kind soap I know of that doesn't make you smell clean.

A couple times per week, Mandi and I go to her house to eat lunch, because lets face it, school food just isn't that good, and without fail we always interrupt her mother and her soap opera watching. Inevitably, since we can't change the channel, we end up watching some of the show while we eat. And they are terrible. Occasionally, they're so bad I just don't feel like eating anymore. I'm not generally too picky about what I watch on tv, but even I have my limits, and that limit happens to be soap operas. Week and week, there is the same old thing on the same old soaps. All the characters are over dramatic who are facing problems, which is being pregnant, having an affair, getting married, waking up from a coma, or getting in an accident. Just a bunch of drama queens I say. I've always wondered how you can have a television channel dedicated completely to showing soap operas when you have the same thing happening over and over again.

Personally, If I were a regular watcher of those soap operas, I would get sick of the same old plot twists time and time again. You think they might be able to come up with some new, like aliens invading or giant asteroids hurling toward earth threatning to end civilization. Something, anything, other than what they always show. But then again, maybe I just can't appreciate those kind of shows.

I Hope I'm Invited to The Baby Shower

So yesterday, I was taking a look at my feeds I recieve from various gossip sites, and one in particular caught my browing eyes. It read, "Another Source Says Simpson Is Pregnant" That was shocking to me. Another source?! Does this mean more than one source says Jessica Simpson is pregnant?! Last I knew she wasn't even engaged, and only dating some nobody NFL quarterback. I really shouldn't have started assuming all of those terrible things about Jessica, for when I clicked on the link, it was none other than her little sister, Ashlee Simpson.

Sidenote: Ashlee Simpson is probably best known for (other than being Jessica's sister) her reality television show and mediocre music career. Oh, and when talking about Ashlee Simpson's fame, you can't forget to mention her Saturday Night Live debacle where she was caught lip-singing. Tsk Tsk.

Duh duh duh. It all makes sense now. Jessica isn't currently engaged/married to anyone at the moment, but Ashlee is! To our favorite member of Fall Out Boy, Pete Wentz, none the less. I vaguely remember reading about those two getting engaged and have a wedding planned for next month.(I sure do wonder if Ashlee plans on inviting ex Ryan Cabrera?) It seems to me that this wedding seems awfully sped up...I wonder if the arrival of a baby has anything to do with it. The more and more I think about what their kid might look like, the more and more I'm split in two different directions. Either it is going to be one gosh darn quite little booger (provided it pops out with it's natural hair color...speaking of which, what is Ashlee's...or Pete's for that matter?) or it is going to be the most hideous thing on the face of the earth. I guess only time will tell.

To me, it seems like there have been a number of baby announcements/weddings recently. We have Ashlee of course, Nicole Richie, Beyonce and Jay-z (finally), the most recent Survivor winner, and a bunch of other people who were in television shows long ago that nobody really remembers anyway. But congratz to all of the above. I wish you the best in life, and if you happen to any left over cake from the wedding, feel free to send it my way. After all, I am a big fan of cake.

And for all you curious people out there who would like more information, here ya go:

Prego Ashlee

Prego Ashlee #2

Nintendo 64

Remember way back yonder, when video game consoles didn't cost $600? When the game controllers actually had to have cords that connected to the main system itself? When your game console couldn't connect to the Internet, letting you battle your friends and random people live? Yeah, me either.

But apparently, there was a time like this. The last time I went up to visit my brother at Iowa State, he pulled out this very archaic and ancient looking odd shaped black box with a couple of controllers. Of course, I asked him what on earth he was doing keeping junk around, and he told me this wasn't just any piece of junk, but in fact a game system called the Nintendo 64. As he went on to explain, this thing was all the rage amoung the gaming world in the mid 90's. He then pulled out what I learned to be a game. I asked him where the compact disk was, but he told me there wasn't any compact disks, that the rectangular cartridge was the game! Secretly, I wonder how on earth you would stick that would cartridge into the N64, but I kept quiet.

As we sat down to play a game, Super Smash Brothers, I was astounded by the simplicity of the graphics, and yet at the same time completely mesmorized by the complete coolness of this game. Now I know why my brother kept this around. Although I was restricted in movement due to the cord that connected the controller, it didn't take anything away from the experience.

Super Smash Brothers for N64 is quite possibly the greatest game ever made. There have a couple attempts by Nintendo to match it, such as the Super Smash Bros. game for the GameCube, and there are also a couple of versions for the Wii (which is probably the best thing to happen to Nintendo since N64). The Gamecube version isn't so good, but the Wii versions are quite fun, with the Wii's format, and all the favorite characters returning from the N64 version plus a couple new ones.

That's MySpace, Not Your Space

Somewhere, mixed in along with all those other social networking sites such as Facebook and Xanga(Ha, does anyone actually use xanga anymore?), there's MySpace. For the longest time, I had some serious problems with MySpace. I'm not actually sure why I had such a disgust with MySpace, but I think the majority of it had to do with MySpace's reputation of being a breeding ground for child abusers and creepers in general, thanks to shows such as To Catch A Predator.

If you've never seen To Catch A Predator, it's basically a show that highlights the dangers of the Internet and films adults who want to meet up with underage children for sex. Some of the people they snag just shock you, such as doctors and priests. (well, I guess the priest isn't really that shocking)

Anywho, then at some point, I came to the realization that MySpace was more than just a bunch of creepers, but it could actually be usefull! The useful side to MySpace is the music aspect of it. There, you can find just about any band you can possibly think of to hear, and listen to a couple of songs, and sometimes even download them, for free! Yes, free. I no longer had to pirate all of the songs I wanted. This even prompted me to create a myspace profile of my own,(I think I put my name as Joe) something I had never envisioned myself actually doing. Of course, I only created this profile because downloading some of the songs required that you have a profile.

So at this point in my life, I've come to really appreciate MySpace and all that it does for my musical needs. Although, I'm still disappointed only some of the music on there is actually downloadable. Personally, I think MySpace needs to implement a rule that if you put music samples up on their server for people to listen to, it must also be downloadable. But somehow, I don't see that happening any time soon.

I Wanna Go Fast

So the other day, I walked into a classroom and found the idiot box was turned on. (Who watches TV during school anyway?) I happen to love television, but this was one exception. The student in the room was watching a NASCAR race.

Ugh. Honestly, how can anyone truly enjoy watching a bunch of cars race around a track for 500 laps? It's like watching a little child spin around on a merry-go-round. Sure, it might be mildly entertaining the first few times, but its attractiveness quickly dies. These cars just go round and round and round and round and round. You get my point. Seriously though, they never even make a right turn.(Do race cars even have turn signals?)

I don't know how you can call it a sport. It involves no physical activity, very litte reliance on personal skill, it's all about the machine that you're operating. Anyone can be trained to drive a car, but you can't train natural athletic ability in sports such as football and basketball. These race car drivers just sit behind a steering wheel and waste gas. I did the same thing on the way to school day, but sadly, I didn't get paid large sums of money from sponsors. Bummer.

I have an uncle who is an absolute racing fanatic. During a family get together, I happen to express my feelings on racing. Of course, he had to defend his beloved "sport". 3 and 1/2 hours later, I still didn't see how on earth people could actually enjoy it. It's sad really, I'm never going to get that precious time back. There was a movie last year sometime, called Talladega Nights, which relentlessly bashed the race car industry. The movie is full of knee slapplingly funny lines, and stereotypes racing in just about everyway possible. I just lubs it.

So next time you find yourself near a place that smells heavily of beer, burnt rubber, and gasoline, you're probably near a racetrack. Run as quickly as possible away.

How To Save The World

So there is thing going on in our world today. Some of you may have heard of it, some of you may have not, but it's called global warming. Global warming is the process of the earth being unnaturally heated due to the carbon dioxide emissions into our atmosphere. These gasses get trapped in our atmosphere, and in turn trap the sun's heat, causing the global temperature to ruse. Despite how nice warmer temperatures sound, global warming is in fact a bad thing. A very bad thing indeed. Not a breaking your curfew bad, but a we're-all-going-to-die bad.

Long story short, if the human population as a whole continues to pollute our world at our current unrestrained levels, we're basically all doomed. (Think Day After Tomorrow kind of doomed). That really is kind of a depressing thought. But the good news, is that YOU, yes YOU can do your part to help change that very unfortunate future. I bet right about now you're asking yourself, "Well I'm just one person, what can I do?" Well I'm glad you asked, because I asked myself the same question. And then I had an epiphany. A vision came to me(actually a book), and I found some answers.

This book, called Our Planet: Change Is Possible, was written for the very purpose of informing the teenage population of what they can do to help stop global warming. Published with the help of MySpace, this book provides a personal and humorous side to a matter of the utmost importance. It is written with commentary by REAL myspace users. It provides you with little helpful hints of what you can do and change in your life that in the long run will help the environment. It's a pretty quick read, so if you happen to find yourself with some free time, go pick it up and plop down for an entertaining and informative read.

Mother Earth thanks you.